Marriage and Relationships

From Life on the Edge by James Dobson page 174:

In the 1993 movie Shadowlands, writer C.S. Lewis loved a woman who died prematurely. Her death was intensely painful to him, causing Lewis to question whether he should have permitted himself to care for her. He concluded in the last scene that we are given two choices in life. We can allow ourselves to love and care for others, which makes us vulnerable to their sickness, death, or rejection. Or we can protect ourselves by refusing to love. Lewis decided that it is better to feel and to suffer than to go through live isolated, insulated, and lonely. I agree strongly.

Dr. Dobson goes on to say that "Emotions are unreliable and at times, tyrannical. They should never be permitted to dominate us."

Life is short: Glorify God, Do Hard Things, and let God write your love story.

Dr. Dobson's response to this question from his excellent book Life On The Edge

A person doesn't go to college just to prepare for a line of work -- or at least, that shouldn't be the reason for being there. The purpose for getting a college education is to broaden your world and enrich your intellectual life. Whether or not it leads to a career is not the point. Nothing invested in the cultivation of your own mind is ever really wasted. IF you have the desire to learn and the opportunity to go to school, I think you should reach for it. Your career plans can be finalized later.

-- Life On The Edge page 74

I want to type up more from other similar questions and answers, but I really should go finish eating breakfast, but this is a really good quote:

There is no more important job in the universe than to raise a child to love God.

-- Life On The Edge page 75

I have heard girls who lived on my sister floor at college say that they watch Sex and the City. I haven't watched it myself, so I didn't comment on it. But it doesn't sound like something that is worth spending ones time on or filling one's mind with.

From: Boundless Line: Flee Sexual Immorality (Sex and the City, That Includes You)

On her blog, Carolyn McCulley writes:

I do think that churches by and large have camped out on the "just say no" message for so long that we've obscured clear, biblically-grounded messages on sexuality.

But I don't think watching "Sex and the City" is either helpful for obtaining this clarity or God-honoring. And I think it is particularly unhelpful for single Christians. I can relate to the frustration that Camerin expresses when she writes: "And, like the TV series, the film offers much that will resonate with singles—and yes, even Christians—who see themselves not just as a demographic in a Barna poll but as sexual beings who wrestle with balancing loneliness and a desire for romantic love with a commitment to purity and platitudes like 'true love waits.' (And waits. And waits.)"

Girl, I hear you on the waiting. I know all about that. But I fail to understand how filling one's eyes and mind with depictions of sexual sin makes it any easier to wait. In fact, I think it has a direct correlation on why so many are still waiting for marriage. Monogamous commitment to one flesh-and-blood person is hard to initiate or maintain with the visual feast of flesh that we so casually accept.

Reading more in When God Writes Your Love Story: The Ultimate Approach to Guy/Girl Relationships a day or two ago, I found Leslie Ludy saying similar things about how the church sometimes tends to say just don't go "all the way" etc. There's more to purity than that.

From: When God Writes Your Love Story: The Ultimate Approach to Guy/Girl Relationships page 113:

In spite of the emphasis in the Christian circles on purity being equal to "virginity," I began to realize that there had to be more to it than just not having sex. Otherwise, I wouldn't feel so defiled every time I have my heart and physical body to a guy. I had thought of "losing my purity" as a forbidden line I was never to cross. But after painful reflection, the truth burned deep into my heart -- in getting as close to that line as I possibly could, I had lost something already.

Don't let this be discouraging. No matter what you've done, or what you've been through, God will forgive you if you repent and you can live a life of joy.

I found this article both interesting and thought-provoking. From: What Not to Say about Marriage:

Getting married is part of growing up. It's a biblical responsibility we're asked to take on -- a calling. Talking about it is just the beginning. If you're with a man who's scared away by the mere mention of marriage, it's time to take your conversation elsewhere.

I just found this good post through a comment by the author on another blog post (by Mardi, who Anna says is Miriam Hart's cousin): The Life of a Christian Girl: Love/ Dating Scene...

This one is also good: Sum thoughts....(what do you take pleasure in?)

From: Teen Christians Dating topic on the HeroesOfToday.com forums

(emphasis added)

interesting....

I don't think there's anything wrong with dating, especially at our age. like Faith said its a learning experience. I think if you've talked it through with your parents, prayed about it, and set your boundaries and limitations with your girl/boyfriend, then by all means go for it. but then, i think there are consequences that come with dating. just looking around at my school, i see a bunch of people heartbroken because of failed relationships. And some people have crossed those boundaries they had once set down for themselves. Or they find that their priorities weren't what they used to be now that they have their prince charming or princess. and maybe your walk with God can become a little shakey as well...He'll be kinda forgotten.. There seems to be so much emotional toll that comes with dating, and all i can do is sit back and wonder WHY someone would want to put themselves through that. it doesn't seem worth if you look at it that way. b]but then [/b]i can also see that not all relationships end with a terrible split. Not all relationships have that emotional toll. And i can have empathy for those who want a relationship, that "special someone" or whatever. so..i dunno, i guess you should just be aware of those potential consequences and be able to deal with them in the end. For myself, i want to have a strong relationship with God first. So then once i enter into a dating situation i can have God on my pedestal. and if the relationship doesn't work out, i know having my strong walk with God will come into immediate action. He'll help me around the heartache, and it won't be as bad...so. there's my two cents on the matter...well,more like a dollar fifty. and now im not entirely sure what my point was because im so tired huh . its 1:20 in the morning, and i only had 2 cups of coffee ALL DAY, so natually my body is shutting down. see ya later

-sarah b

from a later post by a guy

If you go through relationships just for experience and to make you feel better then you will not only hurt yourself time and time again but the people who you are using as well. I'm not saying don't date at all, but do not think you can have so many people as "more than friends" over time. Understand that everyone you will ever know is a person that God loves, and that it is his will to constantly seek their good. Sometimes loving them means respecting them enough to not lead their heart towards something you're not willing to give them. Going through a lot of boyfriends/girlfriends is setting a pattern that will carry into marriage or prevent marriage all together. God did not wired us to belong to more than one person. By all means, look for the right person for you, and have patience, and God will reward you.

I woke up and turned on the radio just before 6am this morning and heard the end of "A Word With You" by Ron Hutchcraft.Today's program was a good one! I highly recommend it: "A Word With You" by Ron Hutchcraft: The Bait and the Catch. A sample of it:

...The woman God praises and the woman a quality man praises is a woman who focuses on having a heart that's right.

Physical appearance, or some kind of social manipulating - that's an increasingly radical blueprint for being a woman when we live in a world that glorifies the physical, the sensual, the sexy. But, many women don't seem to understand what little James already knows - the kind of bait you offer determines the kind of catch you get!

....

Frankly, too many women are wearing things that are too tight, too low, too high, or just not enough! Since that's the way of getting male attention, I guess they'll attract the fish that just want that kind of bait. And thus, the tragedy of our superficial, mostly physical, usually sinful, mostly doomed relationships.

Read the rest: "A Word With You" by Ron Hutchcraft: The Bait and the Catch

It's true.

I have just started reading When God Writes Your Love Story: The Ultimate Approach to Guy/Girl Relationships by Eric and Leslie Ludy.

It is an amazing book!!! It is both funny and very informative. Eric is a great writer!

Here is a quote from the book:

I hope you found this preview both entertaining and persuasive! ;)

I plan to order 5 or so copies of the book (along with copies of The Valley of Vision: A collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions) soon so that I can give them away.

I'd rather buy and give away 50 copies of these books than get myself a laptop! Yes, they are that good! :)

You can read the first 7 pages of the book online: Eric and Leslie Ludy - When God Writes Your Love Story:.

Seventy-four of the ninety-five (or 77.89%) of the Amazon.com Customer Reviews on When God Writes Your Love Story: The Ultimate Approach to Guy/Girl Relationships give it 5 stars. :)

I can hardly wait to finish reading this amazing book! I highly recommend that you buy and read: When God Writes Your Love Story: The Ultimate Approach to Guy/Girl Relationships! :)

Still not convinced? ;) Here are 33 reviewers who each give the book 5/5 stars: Reviews on When God Writes Your Love Story: The Ultimate Approach to Guy/Girl Relationships. I'll leave you with a sample of one of those 33 reviews:

Reviewer: Michelle Heymes

This book is so amazing. It is one of the best books I have ever read. I love the simple and practical way that this book teaches us how to give the pen to our love life to the true Author of romance. Everyone I have recommended it to loves it. This book showed me how to love my husband with true love even before I meet him. Now that I have learned to love my husband before I have met him, my standards with my boyfriend are very high because I love my husband more than him. Thank you so much Eric and Leslie for writing this book. Your love story is amazing. I can't wait to read the sequel. I hope your music and books get into the hands hearts of teens and adults who are serching for that true love that only God can give. Thanks again for all the books you have written. God Bless !! ~ Michelle
P.S. I wish the rating had more than 5 stars because 5 isn't even close to enough.